Follow up & some questions about SSRIs [Trigger warning inside]

::: spoiler Trigger Warning suicidal thoughts :::

Hey all, I want to thank you all again for my previous thread and the support you all gave me. I can't state enough how helpful you all were for me in that moment, I am so grateful to you all!

After my previous post I saw my doctor, they prescribed escitalopram, and I went through two weeks of hell (stomach issues, constant anxiety for no reason, and chills). After the 2.5 week mark things got much better for me.

At 4 weeks I'm feeling much better. I can do tasks that I previously struggled with. My anxiety is much better, it's not reaching the levels of panic or struggle. Now that the feeling side is better I can see things which are behavioural (I'm trying to get back to CBT, but now there are waitlists).

Overall it feels like my life went from VHS quality to HD. Literally colours seem brighter, tastes and smells are better, and touch feels much nicer.

I do have one question: has anyone had suicidal thoughts while on escitalopram, and did they subside over time?

I had suicidal thoughts before taking the meds, at least since I was 9/10 years old. I have them regularly especially when anxiety or depression hit. It's more thinking about it than an impulse to action on it. Normally I wouldn't think much of it, but the last several days those thoughts have been more intrusive and more impulsive.

I was warned this can be a side effect and I'm still early on so I'm wondering if this is something that subsides? I don't honestly feel that I will action on these thoughts, and generally I feel good, so I'm hoping this won't be a dealbreaker or get worse.

I do plan to talk to my wife about it, I've never really shared these thoughts with her, but I don't want to worry her.